How to: Airport

Ok, so a word of warning. This post may seem like a rant. In fact, it is most definitely a rant. I have very serious feelings towards the way people act at the airport. And let me tell you – you can still be a wanker on home soil *shocked gasps*

I fly a lot. Mostly domestic, but I am at the airport at least every month, sometimes fortnightly, and people seem to drop their common sense the moment they step over the threshold of the airport…(side note: I think I just discovered the core of our travel wanker problem)…so I’m going to teach you a thing or two and hopefully get your journey off to a good start!


  • Be prepared. This point covers pretty much every stage of the airport experience, from arriving at the airport to stepping on the plane you should be prepared. First, you should know how long it takes you to get to the airport and what time you have to check in/be at the gate and act accordingly. If you know it takes you an hour to get to the airport from your house, give yourself and extra 20 minutes/half hour to get there without stress. If you’re leaving in peak hour, give yourself enough time. If you’re trying to find a foreign airport remember you don’t where you’re going and give yourself extra time. Don’t end up like this guy.


  • The next stage of preparedness comes when you’re checking in. If you’re against mobile check in or you have bags to drop, make sure you have all the documentation you need. E.g. your flight number, your I.D. your booking reference, your passport. Literally any document for your flight should be ready by the time you get to the counter. You’ve been standing in line. Literally standing there. In a line. You have time to pull out everything you need so that when you march up to that counter you are in and out as quick as possible. And thanks to technology, there are a bunch of ways you can take digital copies of your flight information so you don’t have to carry around a forest worth of paper.


  • The third stage of preparedness comes in the security line. Yes, the airport is full of fun queuing opportunities! When travelling domestically (in Australia), you need to remove laptops, phones, and aerosol cans. You need to remove jewellery, belts, sometimes shoes…make sure everything you need to pull out is easily accessible. The number of times the line has been held up because someone is digging through their bag for deodorant at the last minute, even though you can hear the security staff yelling about it since you’ve been waiting, baffles me. Get your shit together and be ready so that you can stride triumphantly through the security check.
I will be waiting to high five you on the other side
I will be waiting to high five you on the other side
  • When you get to the other side, don’t try and stuff everything back into your bag. Grab your stuff and move to the side. There is pretty much always a bench a few steps away, out of the way of others collecting their stuff. Keep the flow going and move out of the way.


  • Now you can relax for a while! Go look in the shops! Go get something to eat! Have a drink! BUT remember there are probably people who aren’t as smart as you and haven’t left enough time to get places and may need to run to their gate. For your safety and their sanity, keep your relaxing stroll to the side of the pathway, leaving the centre clear for them to bolt past. It’s courteous. ALSO, walking slow is fine when you’re walking to the side, but walking to the side doesn’t allow you to stop suddenly and stand there for a few moments. If you need to stop, move ALL THE WAY to the edge of the walkway out of the way.
you might have a serious collision
  • Now it’s time for you to go to your gate (half an hour before take off). You hear the flight attendant invite rows 10-20 up to board first. You look at your ticket – because it’s already easily accessible because you’re prepared – and you’re in 6B. What do you do??! Some people seem to struggle with this dilemma…maybe they think they’ll get left behind?…and they jump up and start queuing. Heck. Some people start queuing 15 minutes early and start a wave of panic causing everyone to line up. (btw haven’t you had enough lining up??)  no
    Stay in your seat til your row is called.

So basically, stay out of the way. Move quickly or move to the side. And be prepared. If you do all these things, I won’t have to kill you.

Here’s also a quick snapshots from the government on recommendations for international travel, since I got a bit carried away on domestic wankers…

Screen Shot 2015-10-26 at 10.55.53 pm

And remember to get to the airport a minimum of two hours before your flight. E.g. If your flight departs at 12pm, you need to be at the airport by 10am. If your flight departs at 7pm, be at the airport by 5pm at the latest.

Got any other handy airport tips/pet hates when travelling?? Share below!!



6 thoughts on “How to: Airport

  1. emmah1123 says:

    Yes !! So much YUSS !! Nothing worse than stupid querers who Ruin queues even more by being stupid and dumb. Have your stuff ready in your hands. Don’t wear knee high lace up boots. this blog was spot on haha

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haemund Pong says:

    I don’t travel as much, but I follow Casey Neistat (YouTuber) and he flies A LOT, the best thing about watching his vlogs is seeing him zoom around on his penny board in the airport haha 😀


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